


Crow's feet

by little_duckie



Category: Naruto
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Loneliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:14:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25221487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/little_duckie/pseuds/little_duckie
Summary: Sometimes, he likes to imagine how others think. More than sometimes, he wonders how people judge their own worth.He’d never thought about it, before Iruka-sensei. He’d wished for everything, anything, some hints from others so that he could estimate his worth.Iruka-sensei was truly a novel experience, he’d spoken to Naruto in low comforting tones and told Naruto that he himself knew his worth, on that late night in the forest, covered in blood and Naruto’s regret ripe in the air.He didn’t. Naruto didn’t know his own worth. At all.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	Crow's feet

Smile, wide and bright. Teeth visible, gums peeking from lips curled just high enough to make the eyes crinkle.

_I’m gonna have some killer crows-feet when I’m older, haha._

_I’m never gonna grow old though, so no need to worry._

Just now, every moment counts, every moment I must use to convince people I’m good enough. Good enough to try and teach me, at least.

_Haha, I’m hopeless now though._

He’d shrug and raise his hand up to his hair to appear bigger and distract people from his face. Distract from his eyes, at least. He’s been told his eyes are not sincere at all, and he can’t have people thinking he wasn’t worth teaching.

-

More than anything, he wants to learn. To be good enough to teach, and then… Then maybe people will think he’s good enough. With no added clauses. Just good enough.

In his wildest dreams, he misspeaks his wish.

In his wildest dreams, he wants to be good. He wishes people would find him more than enough.

Right now though, he’s hopeless.

-

Sometimes, he likes to imagine how others think. More than sometimes, he wonders how people judge their own worth.

He’d never thought about it, before Iruka-sensei. He’d wished for everything, anything, some hints from others so that he could estimate his worth.

Iruka-sensei was truly a novel experience, he’d spoken to Naruto in low comforting tones and told Naruto that he himself knew his worth, on that late night in the forest, covered in blood and Naruto’s regret ripe in the air.

He didn’t. Naruto didn’t know his own worth. At all.

Iruka-sensei had made him wonder though, what it would be like to feel secure in your sense of self.

What it would be like to _be,_ to be firmly rooted on solid ground and just _be._

-

Ah. He’d messed up. He’d wanted to know how their Jounin-sensei would be like to him. Although the eraser did end up on the Jounin-sensei’s white shock of hair, he hadn’t said a word about it.

And then. _‘Hmm, I’m thinking that I’ll probably hate you.’_

Yeah, _shit_. He’d been too anxious for judgement, and now he’d made a bad impression on the man that was supposed to teach him.

Breathe, and smile, he’d worry about it later. Now though, he’d have to smile real hard, because his eyes certainly weren’t reflecting joy.

Smile, wide and bright. Teeth visible, gums peeking from lips curled just high enough to make the eyes crinkle.

He had to be good enough to teach, and maybe, to this Jounin-sensei, that meant being quiet and demure.

Yeah, he’d tone it down and not antagonize the Jounin-sensei any further.

He’s hopeless at being a Ninja right now, so he’ll try and try again, until his attitude would appeal to the Jounin-sensei.

He’s got to become good enough to teach.

-

Apparently, he’s a loudmouth and not-at-all smart, according to Sakura and Sasuke.

He’s got to adapt to the dynamic of the push of Sakura’s violent nature and Sasuke’s black hole he calls a heart. So, Naruto thought, I’ll be that loudmouth. So, Naruto thought, I’ll be dumb.

He’ll do anything to stay on the team, to dumb himself down and to be loud are things he can do easily, so he will.

-

His teammates are so expressive, he thought.

Yes, Sasuke’s face might resemble a shapeless rock on a good day, but _his eyes_ were extremely expressive. So were Sakura’s, for that matter, although the rest her face also contributed to the expression of her daily ire.

He’s been on Team 7 for a few month now, he’s seen more of his teammates in the last months than he’d seen the Hokage over a few years. It feels strangely intimate, the way the three of them interact, and although Naruto thought he’d get used to it, their interactions still make him uncomfortable.

He’d never ever speak a word about it though. He understand, he’s hopeless right now.

Often, maybe a few times every week, he looks in the mirror at home after a long day of weed-picking. Orange clothes, bright blond hair, a bright smile. A _very_ loud voice. These all seemed to work for their team, to make their dynamic work.

His eyes though, were not bright. Yes the blue of his iris was a bright colour, but not expressive. They were like a one-way window, he supposed. He was always aware of this, had learned how to act his way around their dullness.

Smile, wide and bright. Teeth visible, gums peeking from lips curled just high enough to make the eyes crinkle.

They were unsettling though, even to his teammates. He’d smiled _so hard,_ and still he didn’t appeal to Sasuke and Sakura.

Haha, I’m hopeless, aren’t I?

Yeah, I am.

I just have to be good enough, please. Please, let me _be._

**Author's Note:**

> Another little (shitty) character study on Naruto. This is all just creative thinking though, I don't really think Naruto's like this in the series. However, growing up alone in a village that, that at best ignores you and at worst outright hates you, has got to have an impact on your thinking.
> 
> So really, some creative interpretations of Naruto's childhood circumstances were done. I really like to write these though!


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